Holding my Breath.. The last one I've got left

The past few years of my life have only been confusing, beautiful mistakes and unexpected turns. The first and most obvious one being leaving UT, and all of my other round about attempts at school. Let's not bother mentioning my dependence on men; it's a little too cliche to proudly admit.  I have this ridiculous tendency to get caught up in the moment, forgetting the most important thing or person, myself.

It is so easy, as a woman, to allow ourselves to forget our dreams. We decide at some point, that they aren't as important as they once were. I watch people around me give up things, and make constant sacrifices, some bigger than ever should be made, for other people. I think sacrifice is key in any intimate relationship, but I never think it's alright to sacrifice ourselves.  I am not the best at remembering this, or holding true to this. I have even asked people to sacrifice parts of their soul for me, not on purpose necessarily. I'm selfish, just like we all are. Sometimes the only thing we can see clearly is ourself. When Cody doesn't pay attention to me because he's playing guitar, I get so irritated. When he practices every day one week, I am actually jealous. I have been more jealous of his guitar/bass/music than any woman. It's silly. I would be asking him to sacrifice his heart, so that I might get my fill of attention. That's not fair.  I watch friends give up grad school, college, youth, dreams, traveling, etc. all for that significant other.

At what point do we decide that the most important relationship is the one we have with ourself?  Why can we not follow our dreams, and trust that those who love us will stick it through for us because they see our hearts. They want us to follow. If Cody tells me later tonight that he's going on tour for a year, I can't promise that I won't be upset. I can, however, promise you that I would know it's what he needs to be happy. Music fills a void that I cannot, and that's ok.  I hope he doesn't read this and hold it against me later. ha!

The thing about being young that is so tricky and wonderful, is that right now is the time when we honestly can follow our dreams, whatever they are, and everything (including our dreams) can change so fast. Obviously, I plan on being an astronaut. Things are apt to change at any moment. I can't count on anything, not even my own decisions. For every 6 months, there has been a very real plan, that I am so sure of, and it's always different.  I have to follow it though, and I have to trust that everything else will fall into place.  I am important. Why do we constantly have to remind ourselves of that? Maybe we don't, maybe just I do.  It's loud and clear above this city noise.

The whole thing. We're afraid of being alone. We will sacrifice everything.

"You see, nothing has changed since red riding hood. What they're frightened of today are exactly the same things they were frightened of yesterday."