Kaleidoscope heart (Please listen). It makes me feel good inside.
Inspire me.
I have hope, inside is not a heart, but a kaleidoscope.
I'm on the lookout for inspiring people. Surprise me with good humor, honesty, loyalty, and a genuine good nature and a strong heart. There aren't many of you left. Good people are like mermaids, rare, but obviously real.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Introspective, maybe a little too thoughtful
I Knowwww! It's been too long. You've missed me. Sorry mis amigos. There has been a lot going on between my trip home and Lacey moving in.. and just the regular goings on of this beautiful city I have found myself in.
So I wrote in my real journal, the one I write all of my personal, deep and dark secrets in last night too. It also had been way too long. I think it's quite possible that the reason is because I have been happy and content in my life. It's funny the way our brains work; we need to talk and get our feelings out more frequently when they're filled with frustration, anger, and sadness. I love that I finally feel.. happy. "Sometimes a break down is really a break through." This time, that most certainly held true.
For the first time, I feel like I am doing things for myself. My own mental health. I have been reading, .. trying to write.., exercising.. cooking.. saying no to going out, sleeping, being a good dog mother, relaxing, drinking wine :). I think it's so easy for us (particularly us women) to do everything to make other people happy. We forget about ourselves. Sacrificing ourselves is never worth it. Then you're letting go of that person they wanted to be around in the first place. So, here in Austin, I'm finding myself. I don't know what other people mean when they say they're finding themselves. It's always confused me. What do I mean? I'm getting to know myself. I'm busy finding things I like to do, things I like to eat, think about, dream about, talk about. I'm spending time alone, indulging in things that I enjoy, regardless of who is around. I think I needed this separation from everyone. I needed a fresh start, the freedom to be myself, whoever that may be.
Anyshoe. Lace lives here! It's so nice to have a friend, a real one, that knows me in this city. I think Cody likes it too. It may be more estrogen in one place than he was prepared for, but he did grow up with a family full of wonderful women.. He's used to estrogen, he's probably happier this way. Not to mention, it keeps me at a non smother distance since I have a friend again! Ha, I think I was becoming too much for him. What more could a girl want? I'm living with my best friend and my boyfriend. If heaven were an apartment, I think it would be 823 Regency Park. I hope Lace gets as much out of this city as I have. I think I need to take her out some more. I feel guilty for hiding in the apartment while she's been here. I just happen to love wine and movies..
Trip from Nashville to Austin!!
So I wrote in my real journal, the one I write all of my personal, deep and dark secrets in last night too. It also had been way too long. I think it's quite possible that the reason is because I have been happy and content in my life. It's funny the way our brains work; we need to talk and get our feelings out more frequently when they're filled with frustration, anger, and sadness. I love that I finally feel.. happy. "Sometimes a break down is really a break through." This time, that most certainly held true.
For the first time, I feel like I am doing things for myself. My own mental health. I have been reading, .. trying to write.., exercising.. cooking.. saying no to going out, sleeping, being a good dog mother, relaxing, drinking wine :). I think it's so easy for us (particularly us women) to do everything to make other people happy. We forget about ourselves. Sacrificing ourselves is never worth it. Then you're letting go of that person they wanted to be around in the first place. So, here in Austin, I'm finding myself. I don't know what other people mean when they say they're finding themselves. It's always confused me. What do I mean? I'm getting to know myself. I'm busy finding things I like to do, things I like to eat, think about, dream about, talk about. I'm spending time alone, indulging in things that I enjoy, regardless of who is around. I think I needed this separation from everyone. I needed a fresh start, the freedom to be myself, whoever that may be.
Anyshoe. Lace lives here! It's so nice to have a friend, a real one, that knows me in this city. I think Cody likes it too. It may be more estrogen in one place than he was prepared for, but he did grow up with a family full of wonderful women.. He's used to estrogen, he's probably happier this way. Not to mention, it keeps me at a non smother distance since I have a friend again! Ha, I think I was becoming too much for him. What more could a girl want? I'm living with my best friend and my boyfriend. If heaven were an apartment, I think it would be 823 Regency Park. I hope Lace gets as much out of this city as I have. I think I need to take her out some more. I feel guilty for hiding in the apartment while she's been here. I just happen to love wine and movies..
Trip from Nashville to Austin!! If anyone is curious. I went home for like.. 4 days? It was really good for me and my heart because I was missing home.. or maybe just familiar, so very much. It took that long to remember why I left. I love my family, I love the house I grew up in, but I believe it was time to go. Was it the smartest choice to leave? I don't really know.. I won't get out of school the fastest way any more.. It isn't the cheapest choice, that's for sure. Daddy's money doesn't seem to work when I don't live at his house! I never noticed that they bought all the food I ate.. I ignored those bills they paid. Here I am, living on my own, paying my own way, and not in school because I can't afford it until I establish residency, but my heart is happy. I am thankful and reassured that I have done the right thing. It was funny. I went to our friend's ranch (a giant piece of land). I stood in the middle.. I could only see bright green grass and blue sky, and I felt so reassured. I belong here. At least right now. This chapter of Sarah Elise's life, definitely meant to be set in Texas. Without a doubt, this is the most beautiful place I have ever seen.
"Flying to nowhere. It's better than somewhere. That's where I've been, and nothing's changed."
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